The issues that arise when females and males train together in aikido have been discussed thoroughly in Internet discussion forums and articles. There's even a book . A book, I will sheepishly admit that I have never read but have heard is well worth the read. This is not a subject that I've spent a great deal of time stressing about...BUT it is a subject I would like to briefly tackle in a "It's my blog and I'll post what I want to" kind of way.
I've been a regular attender at my dojo for over two years. The vast majority of those classes I have been the only female in attendance. I have very much enjoyed the few times I've had the opportunity to train with other women. As a small person, I have gotten used to training with people who are bigger than me. In all honesty, I like training with small people cause it makes my technique look better! Hey, I'm just being honest... 250 lb dudes tend to frustrate me! I also am keenly aware that I can frustrate bigger people too. One of my biggest insecurities is feeling like I'm not wanted. I want to feel like I contribute something to the dojo by being there, that I'm not wasting your time cause you have to "train with a girl". Fortunately for me, I have yet to train with a man (or woman) who has left me with a bad experience. This speaks well of the types of people that choose to practice aikido. Whether aikido itself cultivates these types of attitudes is up for debate.
If I could impart anything to male aikidoists everywhere it would be these thoughts: Stop making a big deal about the fact that I'm a woman. I'm here to train, just like you. I have techniques that I love and techniques that make me want to hit something. If you accidentally touch my butt during a kokyu nage you do not need to apologize, that stuff is going to happen. I'm also not a baby/porcelain doll/endangered species. You can grab my wrist, you can even punch me, yes you can really do it...atta boy! I also would like you to know that just as men are very different, so are women. Every woman who walks into the dojo is going to have a different aptitude and attitude. I think, ultimately we all do want the same thing: to be treated with respect. We are all different, yet the same.
Great post, and a topic that will surely require years of discussion over many pitchers of beer to fully hash out. ;-)
ReplyDeleteThe ratio at the dojo where I train is about 3 men to 1 woman. Doesn't bother me in the least, and I've not seen or heard anything but warm comradery from any of the guys. We're all just aikidoka training together.
Oddly, the women have made the bigger deal. One was very openly happy to have "another woman in the class" when I first arrived. That was both nice in a welcoming kind of way, and at the same time a little off-putting. Like "um, why... Is there a problem training with the guys?" Another apologized that she couldn't stay for the class that was about to start, and was sorry I'd be the only woman in the class. I know they meant well, and possibly have found some women in the past have been put off by being the only woman in the class. There's a fine line to walk between making someone feel welcome, and making them feel "different." I decided to feel welcome. :-)
As for the size/fragility issue, I have the advantage (I suppose) of being fairly tall and sturdy-built. Nobody has seemed overly concerned (beyond the usual concern one would have for the safety of a beginner, of course) that they might break me.
Incidentally, one book I've read lately (I forget which) mentioned that big guys can have a hard time as beginners, because they are as uncoordinated, sensitive, and easily damaged as anyone else, but people tend to assume they can handle more rough work because of their size.
As a big guy, I can say that I appreciate working with the wide range of Uke across gender and size. Learning how to blend with someone's Ki becomes easier as you gain experience with adapting and calibrating up & down the scale.
ReplyDeleteMy only concern here is when big guys aren't ready to blend... and then someone can get hurt. Like when a 280 lbs male student landed on an 8 year old girl's ankle in our class... she never returned. :-(
Linda, Thanks for the comment and for sharing your experience! I have little first hand knowledge to, but I've heard that the cultural differences between dojos around the country and of course around the world could warrant more than a few blog posts. The biggest point I was trying to make was really that we're all different...so it's never gonna be a "woman thing" or a "man thing" in aikido. Thanks for reading!
ReplyDeleteSkip, Great comments, thanks! I agree, training can become stagnant without variety and exposing ourselves to an array of ukes is necessary for maturation. And, of course, common sense needs to be employed in regards to all training partners. I wonder how my opinions will have changed after I have trained for 20 years or so?
ReplyDeleteI find that I learn different things from men and women. That being said, I admit that in my earliest classes, I was a bit nervous practicing with some of the younger women, not because I thought I'd hurt them, but rather that I'd accidentally grab something I'm not supposed to, and offend them in the process (last thing I need is someone of either gender putting me down to the mat harder than usual *LOL*).
ReplyDeleteOnce I got to know them, and they got to know me, I found that I didn't really worry about that so much.
I think it also kind of depends on the atmosphere of the dojo. Since the head of our dojo is a woman, and there are more than a few women with black belts, I think a lot of guys who would have an issue don't really stick around. Personally, I wouldn't have it any other way - our sensei is fantastic, and I find that my biggest "aha" moments have come from practicing with her and some of the other women wearing black belts.
In my experience the women who train regularly with men develop their Aikido quicker.
ReplyDeleteYou can't rely on your physical strength, instead you have to dig a little deeper into the technique to really understand it at its core.